The Spanx Diet

So my mom bought me some of them Spanx all the cool/fat kids are wearing.  I found it kind of insulting until she said she didn't mean it in a mean way, and told me about hearing about them on NPR.

And I have to say, they made a great addition to the Thanksgiving festivities. I have this really sweet Ralph Lauren Blue Label dress that I got at the outlet for like 10 dollars, and I'd always been hesitant to wear it because although I rock under-eye bags with relative ease, saddle bags are a different case. I probably just invented them in my mind, but every time I'd put that dress (a tightly-fitting one made to look like a long Rugby shirt) on I felt fat as shit, and imagined my hips to look extra-wide. 

So I thought I'd give the Spanx a try and they really delivered.

They make you look less fat and make your ass look nice.

And it's basically like a removable lap band around your stomach, so as long as you don't mind having to piss all the time, it's a great diet trick.

I would wear them all the time, but having some tight black shorts on underneath all your clothes would be quite obtrusive, and if I accidentally saw someone else sporting the look I'd think they had a medical condition or Bridget Jones-syndrome.

Oh shit I hope I don't have Bridget Jones-syndrome. What a whiny bitch. How can you smoke that much and be so fat?